Shmuck and Cold War

My husband is learning Russian really fast. We usually share our day stories over dinner, relaxing and getting reconnected every evening. He interjects Russian words here and there and the number of words he knows grows daily. This time, though, this innocent exchange sparked a highly-charged exchange between us that early Wednesday evening. 
“He is such a shmuck!” My husband put a piece of pork into his mouth and I had to wait to hear the story.

“Oh, honey, I didn’t know you knew this word! Is he fat?”

“No, why? He is not fat at all, but he is disgusting. Do you know him?”

“No, I do not. Why disgusting? Ukranians like it.”

“Ukranians? What is here to like? So you do know him.”

“Ukranians like fat. They call it SALO.”

“Salo? Never heard of it! But what can Ukranians know about schmuck?”

“Everything.They eat it.”

“They eat shmuck? How nasty!”

“They do not think so. Even we Russians eat it. I think we adopted it from Ukrainians.”

“Adopted what?”

“The word shmuck.”

“Is he fat?”

“Who?”

“A man…”

“It is not a man, it’s a pig.”

“Does he have the swine flu?”

“Who has the flu?”

“The shmuck… I am confused. So, he is not only fat but also sick?”

“Can food be sick? Well, I guess, it can. But Russians and Ukranians don’t think so. At least, not when it comes to a ‘shmuck.’ Imagine a company of guys setting up a party table with the shmuck of salo in a pepper jacket next to a cold bottle of Stolichnaia or Kremlevskaia vodka, and everybody salivates, staring at the shmuck in anticipation of a delight.”

“I can imagine a schmuck next to a bottle of vodka, but I do not want to think about the whole company of guys salivating over a shmuck…"

“Honey, a shnuck is not a man, not even the whole pig, it is a piece of fat!”

Soon, we both admitted that if Americans and Russians communicated like we just did during the Cold War, no wonder that it lasted as long as it did. It didn’t help that Khruschev slammed the pulpit with his shoe, “I will destroy you all!!!”

“I told you, men can be shmucks!”

“Oh, that is what your shmuck means! Then, of course! Khruschev is a shmuck!