Cougar
I dialed my husband’s number from my kitchen, trying to finish my snack and not to lose site of a never seen strange looking animal walking through our back yard, away from the house. “Honey, I think, we got a fox… wait a second, not a fox. The tail is long and straight. Oh, myyyyy…. I think, this is the cougar in our back yard again.”
My husband had already called the animal control after a few episodes with our uninvited guests. Our house is right behind a stream, and we get raccoons, skunks, and now God knows what this is. This time, I saw the animal much closer comparing with a year ago when we were having dinner and I saw a light color animal landing on a thick branch that went down under the weight of the animal with the long tale. This animal that I first took for a dog looked just like the one I saw through the window. Yes, it was the same color, same shape…
“Yeah, I remember that the animal control confirmed that there is a cougar trail going through Shawnee.”
“Oh, I remember how ‘helpful’ they were: ‘Is the animal wounded? Don’t worry, it won’t attack humans.’ How about us humans? Does anybody worry if someone from us is wounded? It is all up site down when it comes to animals in this country!”
“I know. It is all about protection of animals. Are you sure it was a feline?” – my husband sounded as reassuring as possible.
“How do I know? And why is this so important? This is cougar! I got this time too close anyway but not that close!”
“Maybe not. Do you think it was a feline?”
“What do you mean by ‘maybe not’ did you expect me to get even closer to check it? You can’t be serious! I can’t grab him by the neck to check what it was,” I was beginning to feel irritated at the questions I perceived as totally extraneous.
“You do not have to grab, why grabbing if it is enough just to look.”
“The animal was not as tall as I found on Google, so maybe it was a female.”
“The height doesn’t matter. The posture does, the shape of the head, the walk. Felines have a very specific walk.”
“I never knew that. I thought, both male and female walk in the same way.” It was right here when it hit me what my husband was really asking.
“Ah, you ask me was it a cat! Feline!... I thought, you asked me was it a female or a male, oh, my Gosh… as soon as I said, ‘female,’ I realized that it sounded different from ‘feline.’”
“Are you saying that you thought I wanted to know was it male or female?”
“Of course, is it not what people ask about cats or dogs first? I assumed, for a second, that you were insane, expecting me to grab the cougar by the neck and check his belly.”
“I would love to see you doing that, honey. My wife is tough…” I grabbed my husband’s shoulders and started shaking him. “You would love to see that?”
When my husband shared at work the story about the cougar, the guy from the next cubicle overheard it and came to hear the end of the story.
That was a very young, gorgeous Indian man “You have a cougar on your backyard? What is your address?”
“Does he want to come visit us to see the cougar? What if she is not here? I do not see her every day. I do not want this young man to wait in the house forever.”
“Oh, honey, how could I explain this? It’s a joke. He doesn’t want to see a cougar animal.”
“What else can it be, if not an animal?”
“A woman…” I looked at my husband like he was crazy.
“A woman is called ‘cougar’ when she is after young men.” We both looked at each other and burst out.”
“Did you give him our address?”
“Don’t even hope!”
My husband had already called the animal control after a few episodes with our uninvited guests. Our house is right behind a stream, and we get raccoons, skunks, and now God knows what this is. This time, I saw the animal much closer comparing with a year ago when we were having dinner and I saw a light color animal landing on a thick branch that went down under the weight of the animal with the long tale. This animal that I first took for a dog looked just like the one I saw through the window. Yes, it was the same color, same shape…
“Yeah, I remember that the animal control confirmed that there is a cougar trail going through Shawnee.”
“Oh, I remember how ‘helpful’ they were: ‘Is the animal wounded? Don’t worry, it won’t attack humans.’ How about us humans? Does anybody worry if someone from us is wounded? It is all up site down when it comes to animals in this country!”
“I know. It is all about protection of animals. Are you sure it was a feline?” – my husband sounded as reassuring as possible.
“How do I know? And why is this so important? This is cougar! I got this time too close anyway but not that close!”
“Maybe not. Do you think it was a feline?”
“What do you mean by ‘maybe not’ did you expect me to get even closer to check it? You can’t be serious! I can’t grab him by the neck to check what it was,” I was beginning to feel irritated at the questions I perceived as totally extraneous.
“You do not have to grab, why grabbing if it is enough just to look.”
“The animal was not as tall as I found on Google, so maybe it was a female.”
“The height doesn’t matter. The posture does, the shape of the head, the walk. Felines have a very specific walk.”
“I never knew that. I thought, both male and female walk in the same way.” It was right here when it hit me what my husband was really asking.
“Ah, you ask me was it a cat! Feline!... I thought, you asked me was it a female or a male, oh, my Gosh… as soon as I said, ‘female,’ I realized that it sounded different from ‘feline.’”
“Are you saying that you thought I wanted to know was it male or female?”
“Of course, is it not what people ask about cats or dogs first? I assumed, for a second, that you were insane, expecting me to grab the cougar by the neck and check his belly.”
“I would love to see you doing that, honey. My wife is tough…” I grabbed my husband’s shoulders and started shaking him. “You would love to see that?”
When my husband shared at work the story about the cougar, the guy from the next cubicle overheard it and came to hear the end of the story.
That was a very young, gorgeous Indian man “You have a cougar on your backyard? What is your address?”
“Does he want to come visit us to see the cougar? What if she is not here? I do not see her every day. I do not want this young man to wait in the house forever.”
“Oh, honey, how could I explain this? It’s a joke. He doesn’t want to see a cougar animal.”
“What else can it be, if not an animal?”
“A woman…” I looked at my husband like he was crazy.
“A woman is called ‘cougar’ when she is after young men.” We both looked at each other and burst out.”
“Did you give him our address?”
“Don’t even hope!”
